YSunday, June 11, 2006
june 4th 2006
sunday around 7:30 am...
i walked outside my room
sit on the sofa in the living room
and next to me was my dad
he said' "Your mum's gone."
i said, "Okay... where did she go?"
thinking that she probably went to the saloon or her scrapbooking class as usual..
dad said, "She went back to Jakarta."
"WHAATT??!!!???!!"
then i phoned her
saying that it's not fair that she didn't take me along
and she joked saying that i'm still stuck with school
and the days went by normally...
i went to school..
met my visiting friend from australia...
had dinner with my grandmother whose undergoing regular check up here..
then on thursday...
my friend and my grandma went back to their home..
another 3 days till the big news...
my mum finally came home on saturday at night...
we cleaned the whole house to welcome her...
then everything was just fine...
sunday , 11th June 2006
time : 9 am +
my mum summons us to the living room...
she wanted to talked to us...
and she sounded dead serious...
then we sat down...
i was quickly recalling of what i may have done to pissed her of or sumthin'..
and she came...
sat down with us..
she asked, "Do u guyz know why mum went home for one week?"
the moment she asked this question...
i was starting to feel uncomfortable...
i felt so nervous ... i can't stay still...
i thought... what the fuck...
don't tell me it's like on the movies where parents hit somethin' serious like having an incurable disease and the fact that they don't have much time left...
or other stuff like that...
i was having cold sweat from top to bottom..
then she said' "Don't be shocked ok? Don't be shocked."
........... ....... ....
remember my post about my possible drug addicted uncle??
or those of you who are close to me...
u should remember...
well..
she said, "He was cremated on tuesday."
....
My mind went blank...
I was blacked out for the moment...
At first i did not cry...
remembering that he's been throwing he's time by drinking, smoking, clubbing, and so on..
then my mum said it's ok to cry...
then tiny drops of clear liquids run down on my face...
then i remember him of being lonely..
being not respected for what he does in business...
being not understood by his surrounding..
being single and having nobody good enough to trusts on which makes him very easy to be influenced by others...
being weak against the world although he may seem tough
for that..
i'm sorry that i didn't pay much more attention that i used to give him when i was little
he's my favourite uncle...
we may not be of same generation and age...
but those who are willing to pay attention to him surely would notice that deep inside he felt misunderstood and there's nobody to support him...
but i do...
i just wished that i told him so...
even IF he really DID play drugs...
i would have supported him in his decision..
as long as it makes him happy..
but the world of adults are irreproachable by us "KIDS"..
so i just support him silently...
i'm sorry...
i should've told u so...
but then again...
i'm feelin a bit glad for him...
he didn't have to face all those people who pushes him around from the beginning till the end....
it DOES sadden us to lose him...
but i'm glad that he's off from this wretched world..
hope he's happy somewhere..
hope grandpa and grandma are not taking this too hard...
especially grandpa..
coz' I know that grandpa is one of those who sometimes accidentally pushes him [in a a good way] too much..
that it might even sometimes crossed the line..
well...
apparently..
uncle was going to open a photo studio business..
in fact.. he just got everything ready...
and was going to open his business on that fated day...
all his equipment were new...
so...
knowing that i entered the same major as he did..
in the same school too...
btw.. he was one of those who inspired me on designer stuffs...
grandpa gave me his camera...
which was precious to him till the end...
well...
of course i can't decline the offer...
i know uncle loves me...
i was there too when he bought his latest lens for the camera...
but i won't be using it till i need it on probably the next semester..
just to make sure that it stays in one piece..
to us...
to the whole family...
the camera is his legacy that he left us...
after about 1 full hour of reminiscing those great adventures with him...
we sealed it with a prayer...
i couldn't fold my arm and sit on my knees like the rest...
my tears were unstoppable..
i went to the kitchen to blow my nose and dry my tears...
but it didn't work...
so i just sit there...
staring to the cloudy sky..
until the end of the prayer..
then every thing went back to normal..
i went to have my breakfast...
my brothers continnued their soccer game..
my dad went back to work...
and my mum took out his personal stash of photos of my family
my family was his favourite if u wanna know...
we're closest to him then the rest of the gang..
and then she said.
"You know what? I found your pictures with your brothers in his latest wallet that he carried, the one that he took a long time ago... It was the only picture in his wallet. He loved you guyz so much.."
then i ran to the bathroom to wash my red ugly wet face..
rest in peace uncle...
love you...
dark cloudy sky
promiscuous